When I was much younger, I dated this engineer geek (the only one who'd be offended by that term -- but he had other issues, too). One summer, we went looking for fireworks on the Fourth of July, and found a great view from a bridge overpass. Joe wouldn't park on the bridge with everyone else, though, even though a perfect spot had just opened up. We drove across the bridge, and maybe a quarter of a mile further, and then walked back. I managed to talk him onto the bridge to watch the show, but just barely. The whole time, he talked about how he could feel the bridge swaying, couldn't I feel it too? And how there was no way this old bridge was designed to handle fifty parked cars. A slight exaggeration, but there really were probably forty cars parked on that little rural overpass that night. You could only get through by straddling the center lane. He was a mess.

That Paul Simon song, You Can Call Me Al? I thought he was saying "he sees dangers in the architecture" until I was in my early twenties, instead of "angels," because of that night.

I always get flinchy when I'm stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on bridges, because of him. So much for ever getting rid of that quirk now, huh?

I'm trying not to think about it. I can't reach so many of my old friends in Minneapolis, but I'm sure they're fine. We all worked near home. I'm just worried about my Aunt Mary and Uncle Mark. And trying not to think about it.

Update: Just got an email from my aunt. They (and their four dogs, three cats, and horses) are all just fine.

If you people love me, you will make sure I get this for my birthday.

I'm just sayin'.

755!

Why are you PITCHING to him?! Walk him. Walk him for the next twenty years if you have to, you fools.

So I went to see Walking with the Dinosaurs this weekend. If you like dinosaurs, or know/bred someone who likes dinosaurs, it's a great show.

It's very smart, and there's a whole lot of talking, done by a "paleontologist" (I assume he's not really a paleontologist, but admittedly, I didn't buy a program) who's down on the auditorium floor with the beasties. More action than comedy, obviously, but there was some low-key humor directed at adults that was cute. For instance, he referred to one episode as "200 million years bc... g -- before computer games" which bounced off everyone under 30, but made quite a few parents chuckle.

The vast majority of the kids fidgeted and babbled through the narration (which was actually pretty interesting), and seemed cataclysmically bored, but when the dinosaurs came out, you could have heard a pin drop. They were mesmerized. The story and the scenery and stuff are cool, but the dinosaurs are just amazing. They're so huge. And, seriously, so in-your-face and real.

The show doesn't really do anything to hide the dinosaurs'... means of locomotion, so to speak, which really annoyed me for the first ten minutes or so. But your eyes actually adapt to it, and you sort of stop seeing it. I don't know if it's suspension of disbelief, or if it's just the darkness, or what. Which sounds stupid, but it works.

I have to add, the woman sitting next to me, who was with her grandson, was killing me. She thought everything that walked upright was a T-Rex, and when she read about raptors in the program, she kept calling them "raptures." Finally, when the "paleontologist" announced that the reign of dinosaurs was coming to an end, and they showed the first image of asteroids streaking across the sky, she screamed "THE ICE AGE!"

Hee.

Anyway, go see it. It's good. Oh, and try not to buy from Ticketmaster if you can help it. They spam the hell out of you.

1. You know I raced home from work to watch the launch, right? Made it with three minutes to spare.

2. Meerkat Manor and Eureka are both back on for the new season, in case you weren't paying attention.

3. I started watching So You Think You Can Dance last week. How much does Lauren remind you of Y? Yeah, I do that. Everyone looks like someone to me. Dominic reminds me of Wilson Cruz from My So-Called Life. And Sara (scroll down) looks like the daughter from Eureka. That one's harder to see in still photos. (Pasha looks like someone I know, too, but I'll let that one go.)

I just saw this on the news (I left it on after the shuttle launch) and I just HAD to post it.

I believe this is the textbook definition of the word "yoink."

The newscaster went "That's awesome!" Heh. Watch the views from both cameras, it switches halfway through.

You don't realize quite how much you use your rear view mirror, until it melts off of your freaking windshield.

I was listening to the radio on the way in to work this morning, and they said we hit a new temperature record yesterday. The high was 103°F (!) The previous record, they said, was 102°F, and that was set in... 1936.

Hmm. Tell me about this brand new global warming issue again?

Insanely, absurdly busy. Here are some things to entertain you while I try to catch up:

1. I think I wrote this.

2. This made me cry a little. Thanks.

3. Try not to look at the title. Who does this look like?

4. If you haven't yet, you should really watch the Badass Marine. Sound required. The chills that gives me are the perfect antidote to this crazy summer heat.

I'm apparently the only person on Earth who really liked the little foxes routine on So You Think You Can Dance, last night. It was very Japanese, in the fluid but highly exaggerated movements, and fairytale-like story. I thought it was gorgeous.

From all the people I've seen griping about the red scarf today, I get a very clear image of Lacey sneaking up with a real dead bird in her mouth and dropping it in front of Sabra, and it makes me giggle.

Anyway, I don't care who wins. I really like them all, and for different reasons, so whatever. On the other hand, I just noticed today that the SYTYCD reviewer at TWOP is a straight male, and now I wish I'd been watching/reading all season. Hilarious.

Update: Here's the video.

The LOLCat Bible Translation Project

1 An' teh man told his wife "We gun have keeds" and eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; an' she birthd', an' bare cain, an' said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Invisible Man, but he kinda mean fo' makin' it hert so bad.

2 An' again she bare his brothr abel. an' abel wuz keepr ov teh moo cows, but cain wuz tillr ov teh ground cuz he was part mexican.

3 An' in proces ov time it came 2 pas, dat cain brought ov teh fruit ov teh ground an offerin unto Invisible Man, because he just got off Atkins.

4 An' abel, he also brought ov teh first froots ov his moo cows an' ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. An' Abel gaev to Invisible Man his Pokemans. An' Invisible Man liekd abel an' his fudz an' his pokemans

Genesis 4:1-4

It's apparently being translated by several people, and some are funnier than others. Brilliant, hilarious, and bound to make someone a lot of enemies. Maybe I'll do First Corinthians...

(via Nick)

Let me apologize in advance. This is really lowbrow.

But I saw this commercial last night, got a confused look on my face, rewound it, and laughed hysterically for about ten minutes.

And I looked it up, just for you! So watch it. (Then you can come back and tell me how classless I am.)

Some of you may know, I'm slightly obsessed with survival stuff. Not to a building-a-cabin-in-Montana-to-prepare-for-nuclear-disaster degree, but even when I was a kid, I was fascinated with books that involve how to survive if you're stuck in the wilderness alone.

I think Clan of the Cave Bear, and the second book in that series even more so, were the real turning point. I figured I must be slightly nuts, to know that you can use the brain to tan a hide, and boil the hooves to make the knee- and elbow-places of the hide supple. What pre-teen girl knows that crap? Pre-teen tomboy, even? But my mom later told me that she's fascinated with it too, and I've met other women since then who feel the same way. So... we're all nuts. Whatever.

Anyway, I really love Survivorman and Man vs Wild (yes, even after this embarrassing video came out -- the "danger" angle might be a fraud, but he still has a lot to teach). So I was really interested in this. I mean, as much as I love the crazy outdoor stuff, I'm much more likely to get stuck in a flood or earthquake, than be stranded in Nigeria in the hottest part of the summer, and surrounded by hungry lions, you know?

I can't find anything useful online about it. It's on the Science Channel, but even they don't have anything on it, and it's not even up on youtube. But it's called Surviving Urban Disasters, and I think it's going to be a series. The episode I saw was about floods, and he shows how to survive in a one-story house, a car, and an office building. There's also a long interview with an awesome lady who survived Katrina, broken up to fit the different scenarios.

He explains a lot of things that I would never have thought to do or try -- especially in the office, where you really have nothing but diet soda and tissues, right? And, hell, he spends a lot of time in a kitchen filled with chest-deep water. What's not to love?

(Note: People with panic and/or anxiety disorders might want to skip this one. Or not.)

I don't usually bother with mentioning Cute Overload, knowing my audience as I occasionally think I do, but this is too awesome to pass up.

You're welcome.

Forgive me while I gossip. To be fair, it isn't really catty, because I think she looks better than she has in years. Anyway:

Have you seen the recent pictures of Cameron Diaz on the set of "What Happens in Vegas?" Go look here. I'll wait.

Now check this out: Before (10/06) / After (8/07)

What say you?

I can't believe I didn't hear about this until now. They had a cable snap at the Arch last month, and it hit an electrified rail or something, and shorted out all of the electricity.

About 120 people were stuck at the top of the arch, which, ok, I wouldn't want to be stuck there. The ceiling's really low, and the weird angles of the windows are creepy and give the illusion of falling. And it sways in the wind. But I could handle it.

But eighty people were stuck in the tram cars.

Ugh.

Anybody been up in the Arch? I'll try to explain. The tram cars are shaped exactly like eggs. They're maybe six feet high in the center, but since they're pointy, the head clearance drops really quickly, and you have to stay crouched to move. The door is four feet high and maybe 2.5 feet wide. The egg is smaller than an average public bathroom stall, but there are five seats.

Getting the idea? I'm not even claustrophobic, and I was uncomfortable. Now imagine being stuck in there for TWO HOURS. In the dark.

I feel woozy.

Update: Maybe this will give you an idea of how tight the space is. These guys are sitting in the seats (one seat is empty), and looking out the door. There is no space behind them, just walls curving up over their heads.

p.s - I just dug this up on google, but is the guy in the middle not totally adorable?

p.p.s. - Also, I figured out why I didn't hear about it. That was Harry Potter weekend. We could have been invaded by martians and I wouldn't have known.

Eeee!

This guy unlocked the iPhone! George, you rock!

(Click for full size girlie freakout version)

The second one he did is up for sale on ebay, and the current high bid is $2,999. He deserves every penny.

I have nothing.

(via lolpresidents)

I have no idea why this is so funny to me.

Eating cats = not funny
Eating lolcats = hilarious

I pass this guy on my way to work occasionally, and I've seen him each of the past few days. He's going the opposite way from me, and he's on a bike.

He's wearing a bike helmet for safety, but with work clothes -- khakis and a belt and dress shoes. And a dress shirt, unbuttoned completely, presumably to save it from sweat and bugsplatter. I always seem to see him when he's riding down a hill, and the wind is blowing his shirt back, showing his bare chest.

There's nothing inherently sexy about it, especially since he's got a baby seat on the back of the bicycle. And yet, it always makes me smile like one of those women in the Diet Coke commerical, watching the sweaty workmen.

It's not, you know, enough to cheer me through my recent very stressful days, or whatever, but I'll take a grin where I can get it.

And so, Fred Thompson has decided to skip out on yet another Republican debate. This time the September 5th FoxNews debate that his staff said he was really, truly, this time, honestly going to attend.

He's officially getting in the next day, September 6th.