Can I just tell you how exciting it is, living in the sort of neighborhood where "celebratory firecrackers" are set off six at a time? It's so thrilling, feeling that I should force everyone in the house into a corner, hoping that the return trajectory catches a crossbeam before it hits someone's head. I suppose I should feel fortunate that the local miscreant morons generally seem to choose revolvers instead of something with a higher round capacity.

Thank you so much, Sensible City of My Choice, for spending so much time and energy on ticketing people for growing their grass too long, choosing the wrong method of weed control, and leaving their trash cans out at the curb for more than twenty-four hours. I'd hate for those crimes to occur, while I'm doing a Wile E Coyote impression in my living room.

Happy New Year, kids. I hope yours was less exciting than mine, and that next year brings you happiness, and me a new neighborhood, where the average IQ is higher than the average age. Sheesh.

Tell me about this global warming thing again?

Brr.

Happy Iowa Day!

This should be interesting, right? I don't like the idea that a few selected states basically get to decide how the rest of the country votes (Don't argue. 90% of voters are sheep, deal with it.), but since I don't like any of the candidates in either party, I'm excited to see how it turns out.

After the past two elections, I think we've pretty well established that advance phone polls and exit polls simply don't work anymore. (I certainly wouldn't announce my vote in the 6am pitch dark neighborhood where I vote. It's a long, cold walk home with slashed tires.) This could go either way. Any way. Hell, Duncan Hunter and Joe Biden could win Iowa.

There's one thing I've been thinking about, though, and it bothers me a little. I'm sure everyone else has already thought of this: I was living in Russia during the runup to the 1992 election, and campaign coverage was spotty at best, when we could even get American news. It sounded like Jerry Brown or Paul Tsongas was going to be the dem nominee, from the few scraps we could get from the occasional LA Times news fax (Dahmer, Gotti, the olympics, and later, the LA riots filled most of the space). There wasn't even a hint of Bill Clinton, until he came flying out of left field in, like, February.

It concerns me that no one can come flying out of left field this time. Not that I'm hoping for another womanizing perjurer. But I'd like to see some shining hope right now, because I'm disappointed in everyone.

If you hate 'em all too (either party), what say you to voting for an independent? And name names, while you're at it.

Anyway. I guess I'll stay up watching the results all night. It's not like Survivor's on or anything.

So tell me, do you love anyone on Project Runway this year? Besides Tim, I mean.

I'm not really feeling anyone this year, but I'm willing to be convinced. I've liked Chris from the beginning (drooled over his week one dress), but he's too hit-and-miss to love, and his laugh leaves me cold.

Whose clothes do you want to buy next year?

Only locals would get this, and I'm not sure there are any:

I was anticipating the drive to work on Wednesday morning being bad, so I checked the MoDot website at about 7am, to find an alternate route, just in case.

It told me to take 170 south to 40 west.

*sigh*

Woohoo! Yay, hydrogen car!

They never listen to me. People, really, LOUD DOES NOT EQUAL GOOD.

The happy news is that they're splitting the good and bad pretty evenly this year, if last night's show was any example. I normally despise the audition weeks, because the ratio of talent to freak is about 1:20, and only watch for the fix. But I think they had about ten winners and ten losers psychos last night.

My favorite of the night: Beth Stalker. Surprise, right? She's not the best voice of the night, but she's the only one who had what the judges and America seem to want, a really unique voice. Think of the big sellers: Kelly, Daughtry, Carrie -- while none of them were the absolute purest, best voices of their seasons, their voices are all immediately recognizable on the radio. The same way that you instantly know it's Elton John or Billy Joel or, especially, to me, Gwen Stefani, even if you've never heard the song before.

Speaking of stalkers, I thought the Stalker song was hilarious and not at all offensive, and I hope against hope that someone buys it and produces it.

Also, Chris Watson has a perfectly passable, interesting voice, but when he finally starts modeling, I'll have torn-out magazine pictures of him all over my bedroom walls. Yow.

There's so much I don't understand in this article.

Teenager sues L'Oreal after hair dye left her with 'severe burns and ears swollen to 3 times their normal size'

The distraught mother-of-one had the Garnier Nutrisse chestnut brown hair dye applied by a mobile hairdresser - days later she was writhing in agony as a painful rash spread across her body and burns appeared on her face neck and scalp.

Miss Atkinson claimed she had the allergic response even though there was no reaction to the skin allergy test she carried out 48 hours before using the product.

How could she have done the allergy test 48 hours beforehand, if she had a professional hairdresser do it?

And more importantly, if the product was chestnut brown, then why the hell is she BLONDE? It hurts so badly that she can't lift her child, but she had no trouble bleaching her hair? Applying bleach over the burned, blistered skin? (And she'd need a lot to undo chestnut brown.)

This just screams fraud, to me. Anyone see anything I'm missing?

I liked the chick who sang Unchained Melody (How many contestants butcher that song? But it is really hard to sing.) and I thought the farmboy was unutterably adorable. Didn't see anyone who blew me away or seemed really unique.

The best part of the evening, by far? That amazing commercial for monster.com.

That was apparently the first airing, judging from comments on other blogs, and it's not up on youtube yet. I'll link it when it becomes available.

[Update: Here it is!]

Also, how awesome was it that Paula was entirely calm and reasonable when the fabulous "I Am Your Brother" guy (exactly the kind of rare Idol nut that I like) was singing, and then she suddenly screamed, ran offstage, and came back twenty seconds later with a completely different personality?

Hahaha. I love the South.

There's nothing you could say to convince me that those airplane pilots didn't do that to Hillary on purpose.

Hee.

God, I love awards season.

For the SAG awards, they used to just send you movie tickets, marked "for your consideration." But they were only good for like two theaters in LA, which wasn't even convenient when I lived in Pasadena, since they were obviously going to be packed houses anyway. It was even less convenient once I left southern California.

Now they send you DVDs. Much better.

They only started this last year, I think. I got Little Miss Sunshine and The Departed. Maybe Babel too? I can't remember. This year, my god, I've already gotten No Country for Old Men (which I've been wanting to see), Hairspray, 3:10 To Yuma, Away From Her (Which I think is the Julie Christie one, right?), and Into The Wild (which I know nothing about).

Also a ticket for There Will Be Blood, which, all I've seen is a clip of Daniel Day Lewis screaming, "I've deserted my son! I've deserted my son!" and I refuse to see sad movies in theaters, because crying in public sucks. Anyway, it's not playing within 200 miles of here. But Miramax also sent a big, 12x12 program full of stills and reviews, and it looks gorgeous. Anyone know anything about it?

I have no idea what this is.

A random land formation? A strangely-shaped gully? A shadow? Wishful thinking?

I'm 99.9% sure what's it's not, of course. But as the kind of girl who still looks for elephants and dragons in the clouds, from airplane windows, I LOVE IT ANYWAY!

Go, Omaha!

Loved the chick that did Norah Jones and the guy that did Bon Jovi.

That is all.

So, Super Duper Ultramega (OK) Tuesday is next week, and some of us finally get to vote.

And, of course, there's no one left for a conservative girl to vote for, now.

I overheard some friends of mine at work yesterday, saying that they were (also) waiting for someone to come bounding madly out of left field -- I assumed he was conservative (because he hunts and fishes) and that she was a liberal (because she's an adorable hippie-ish, vegetarian chick), but they were both discussing and lamenting the options in both parties. I was busy, so I didn't bother getting into it, but I couldn't help hearing it. And it got me thinking.

So now that the Florida results are in, and Giuliani will be gone posty hasty -- the last Republican I could conceivably support -- I was sitting here thinking about who I could write in. Or start a "draft" website for, even in jest.

It would have to be a celebrity, who has money to burn, right? And conservative celebrities are few and far between.

So off the top of my head, I came up with: Michael Crichton and Jesse Ventura. With a little more thought, I came up with Chris Noth (maybe a little young?) and Ben Stein (probably too mellow).

Checking a list of conservative actors, I found... Dennis Hopper? Seriously? "According to the New York Post, Dennis Hopper has voted Republican since Ronald Reagan." And you know he could out-creep even the monumentally creeptastic Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. PERFECT!

On a semi-related note: Since there's no one left to vote for in the Republic primary, does one cross the aisle? I have a conundrum: Vote for Clinton, because Obama's impossible to beat in November? But then what if it ends up being Clinton vs McCain (or god forbid Huckabee) in November? Lose/Lose. I at least like Obama...

Also: Go, Miami!

So many people I liked. And I'm not a people-liker.

Ghaleb Emacheh has a lovely voice and style. While I don't think he's Idol material, he should definitely have a record contract.

Love (love!) Corliss Smith. (Take Five) She's my very favorite so far. Also her pal Brittany Wescott, but to a lesser degree.

I understood what Simon was saying about tiny Ramiele Malubay. Yes, she has a good voice, but it's the huge voice coming out of her tiny frame that makes her so noticeable. She's like the female Clay Aiken. Only not.

Natashia Blach (At Last) was also glorious, and I liked Ilsy Lorena Pinot (Unfaithful - you know, the more I hear of Rihanna, the more I really like her) too.

I think I sort of liked the guy who did Simple Man, but I can't decide if I just like that song (as opposed to the singer). Or if I just like simple men.

Sixteen year olds with facial piercings need different parents. But I guess parents who put you on tv at twelve are probably a given for lax household rules. Why does she look 30? Sad.

No one should ever do Janis Joplin. Ever. Or anyone else who screams instead of singing. But maybe that's an IQ test.

Other: (1) Jasmine Trias's album went platinum in the Philippines?! (2) Who in the hell would name a movie "Jumper," prior to 2101? That word already has a meaning for us, thanks. *shudder*