There is so much good in the worst of us
and so much bad in the best of us
that it ill behooves any of us
to talk about the rest of us
xxxxx--Unknown, via my grandfather
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
xxxxx--Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
xxxxIf you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
xxxxIf you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
To be yourself, in a world that tries, night and day, to make you just like everybody else - is to fight the greatest battle there ever is to fight, and never stop fighting.
When love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
xxxxx--Laurie Anderson (Hi mom!)
As far as Clinton supposedly cheating on his wife, what do people think he's going to do? Be president of another country while he's president of ours?
xxxxx--Tom R., age 12
I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humor! This is what entertainment is all about: Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.
"Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number...and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the F.B.I...BEEEP"
xxxxx--Blue Devil comics
A thing of beauty is a joy till sunrise.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing, turn out your toes as you walk, and remember who you are!
The objective of all dedicated product support employees should be to thoroughly analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon. However, when you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
I drink to make other people interesting.
xxxxx--George Jean Nathan
The worst men often give the best advice.
xxxxx--P. J. Bailey
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advice them to do it
xxxxx--Harry S Truman
Beware of the fury of the patient man
Sticks and stones may break your bones
when there's anger to inpart.
Spiteful words can hurt your feelings
but silence breaks your heart.
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
My only fear is that I may live too long. This would be a subject of dread to me.
Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes. (translation: If you can read this you're overeducated)
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you
This will never be a civilized country until we expend more money for books than we do for chewing gum
The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.
I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake.
xxxxx--J.D. Salinger, on cars
People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored.
I never heard of anyone who was really literate or who ever really loved books who wanted to suppress any of them. Censors only read a book with great difficulty, moving their lips as they puzzle out each syllable, when someone tells them that the book is unfit to read.
I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves alot of expense and aggravation later in life.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
xxxxx--P. J. O'Rourke
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of their tires.
You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
Some of my best friends are children. In fact, all of my best friends are children.
xxxxx--J. D. Salinger
If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The killer looked up as the bullet hit him. He looked as if he were puzzled by some strange occurence, being too freshly dead to be aware of it.
Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone and you are God.
Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
xxxxx--Edgar Allen Poe
Heaven for climate. Hell for company.
Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
You must be oh-so smart, or oh-so pleasant. For years I was smart. I recommend pleasant...and you may quote me.
xxxxx--Jimmy Stewart in Harvey
Life is a nacho. It can be yummy-crunchy or squishy-yucky. It just depends on how long it takes for you to start eating it.
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
Giving a beautiful woman an education is like pouring honey into a fine swiss watch
xxxxx--Don DeWitt (a missed friend)
Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday.
I only require three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.
xxxxx--L. Ronald Hubbard
Religion is the fashionable substitute for belief.
Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settlement.
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman.
There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex... People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.
I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker...But I will never consider myself a nonsmoker. Because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table.
Men love war because it allows them to look serious. Because it is the one thing that stops women from laughing at them.
A woman is the only thing that I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
"Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime."
xxxxx--G. Gordon Liddy
"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."
A Thanksgiving Prayer
(read with caution, and don't flame me until you look up "irony" in the dictionary)
Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts. Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison. Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger. Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving the carcasses to rot. Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes. Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through. Thanks for the KKK. For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches. For decent church-goin' women,with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces. Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers. Thanks for laboratory AIDS. Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs. Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind the own business. Thanks for a nation of finks. Yes, thanks for all the memories--all right let's see your arms! You always were a headache and you always were a bore. Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.
xxxxx--William S. Burroughs (1914-1997)
One must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star.
"Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination."
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Mary was an unwed teenage mother.
In a nutshell, the city sleeps.
And the lesson was this; sit in the sun, head down, within a prickly vine, in a flickery light, or open light, and the world will come to you. The sky will come in its time, bringing rain, and the earth will rise through you, from beneath, and make you rich and make you full.
A volunteer pointed out to me the other day, too, that even if Y2K brings everything crashing down, our Diplodocus will be still be standing a week later, and five-year-old kids will still be amazed.
Out of clutter, find Simplicity.
From discord, find Harmony.
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
xxxxx--Albert Einstein (Three Rules of Work)
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
xxxxx - Albert Einstein
It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.
xxxxx - J. Bronowski
I don't know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets.
xxxxx - John Glenn
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost.
xxxxx - J R R Tolkien
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
xxxxx - Yiddish saying
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
xxxxx - Albert Einstein